To The Woman He Will Love After Me.

I read a blog earlier about a woman writing her message to her ex boyfriend's new girl. I tear up a bit and told myself that maybe I should write something like that. To prepare myself. Just in case. 

So to the woman he will love after me.. this one's for you. 

Now, you are love of his life, his best friend, his partner, his everything. I cannot even explain how extremely lucky you are to have him at your side. We had a bitter ending, a very complicated one but he knows, we both know that I have absolutely nothing against his happiness. It will suck for me for a while, but I'd rather see him happy with you than not see him happy at all. So please, i don't say this lightly, please love him not just with all of your heart, but with your entire being. 

You have to know that he is not very easy to understand. He values his privacy so much that it might bother you at times, but you have to trust him with that. Trust that there's a reason why you are his girl even though, let's face it, he can have anyone he likes in an instant. There's a reason why he is fighting for you and why he is with you. You will never know why he chooses you everyday, but just be grateful. There are times when you will have a very hard time figuring things out but take it from me, always remember that when he loves, he loves deeply. And love alone can break walls and surpass anything.

His chosen career will be a challenge for both of you. Have patience. And again, trust him. Also, ALWAYS make him feel appreciated. Listen to his songs attentively. Help him in any way you can. Your man is destined for greatness. Never let him question himself. . He deserves all the support in the world. And you should always be his number two fan. Number one spot belongs to his Ate. Don't ever try to compare yourself to that. No one can top her. 

He chose you so I'm guessing I need not to remind you to always put God in the center of your relationship. He knows that well enough. He always needs to be reminded that God has plans and that God will never let him down. He will never let anyone down. 

Your man will drive you crazy. He will tell you stories you won't even understand at first. Stories about his crazy friends, his love for his craft, all those music notes, movies and series he likes, his everyday life. Just ask. Ask him everything. It will surprise you how easy it is to love what he loves, to understand his world, and how amazing that guy's mind is. Listening is always the key. Actually, that's what he needs. Someone who will listen not just in his music and words, someone who will listen to his heart. That guy's deep and his heart is big. Fill it with love, understanding and kindness. Please. 

We both know that he isn't perfect. He has his off moments. Be patient enough to teach him to be patient. Be his partner-in-crime but still inspire him to be a better person. I know it's not a difficult task to do, because when you do it with love, everything just falls in the right place. When he's agitated, keep him calm with your hugs, kisses and words of comfort. Let him know that bad things just happen and eventually everything will be fine. Most importantly, accept him. Accept his entire being. His flaws and insecurities. His past, his present and the future he wants to have. Embrace it. I'm telling you, that man's worth it. He deserves all the love in the world. 

This guy gave me genuine happiness on our time together and I will always be thankful for that. But like what I've said, he chose you for a reason. And I've come to acknowledge the fact that our time has passed and maybe served its purpose.  I have to let go. Please be his rock - be his inspiration. Take care of his heart, it has been through a lot. Try to not let him down. Help him achieve everything he wants in his life. Always keep him in your heart. I want him to be truly happy even if it meant not being his life anymore.

Above all, I hope you give him a lifetime of happiness and love --- the kind that he needs -- the kind that I failed to give him.

Take it all in, take all the hit.

Searched everywhere, high and low, looking for a place to rant and let all these feelings and thoughts out. 

It probably was the most difficult 2 months of my life. Waking up every morning knowing you don't have power over something that used to be yours. Waking up every morning knowing that you lost that one thing that made you happy and stable. Hindi alam kung saan muli huhugutin ang lakas para umusad. Mahirap. 
Sabi nga ni John Mayer, "When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.". Walang sapat na warning para sa sakit nito. Sabi nga din ng Coldplay, "Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.." because let's face it, "Where's the good in goodbye?" sabi yan ng The Script.

Most people would deal with their heartbreaks at night. Madalas ang mga tao umiiyak, humahagulgol, nangungulila sa gabi. But not me. Sa umaga ako kinakatok ng realidad. I don't know why. Probably because I used to love mornings. Yung paggising mo pa lang, ngingiti ka na kasi alam mo na may isang tao kang mapapangiti ng "Good morning." mo. At ganun din ang taong yun sa'yo.  Ngayon, every morning is a struggle. Everyday is a battle. War between you and the cruel world, battle between your heart and mind. Araw araw na desisyon kung lalaban ka pa ba, o susuko na. Honestly, nakakapagod. Nakakalito at nakakadrain ng energy especially when you're so used sa stability. Ilang beses mong hihilingin na sana panaginip na lang lahat. Na sana pagtulog mo sa gabi, gigising ka dun sa araw na maayos pa ang lahat and then maybe, maybe change something para hindi na humantong sa kung anumang totoong pinaghantungan nito. Araw-araw, mapapatanong ka sa langit kung bakit kailangan mangyari ang mga bagay-bagay, Why is something that's supposed to be beautiful end up hurting you?

And then your mind will fly to every possible thing that can happen, from the beautiful ones na gusto ng puso mo to the really ugly ones na reality check naman. Ayaw mo man, at ilang beses ka man sabihan ng mga kaibigan mo to stop overthinking, hindi mo mapipigilan. Mapapraning, masasaktan over something that isn't confirmed simply because you know that at this point, anything can happen. Dahil sabi ko nga, you don't have power over that something anymore. The only thing you can do is take it all in, take all the hit, get hurt, cry, get hurt even more hanggang sa maubos ka and wonder if mauubos ka nga at kung mauubos ba talaga ang lahat ng sakit. 

And then you are left with no choice but to keep trying to move forward. Pipilitin ang sariling ngumiti kahit hindi yun ang nararamdaman ng puso mo. You will force yourself to wake up, stand up and face this damn reality. Because even when you have friends who will always be there for you, you don't want to drag them in your everyday struggle. Kailangan ipakita mo sa mundo, na kaya mo. Baka sakaling sa kakapanggap mo, magulat ka na lang na okay ka na. Baka sakali. 

Sinasabi ng iba, that this is just a phase and that everything will get better soon. Na may plano ang Ama kung bakit nangyayari ang mga ito. Na may mas magandang nakalaan. Kung meron nga at kung anu man iyon, will let you guys know. For now, eto muna.

Choices. Chances. Changes.

Why hello there, dearest blog. :) I just found myself wanting to write again about.... I don't know.

So sige, I'll start by tellng you how crazy my life has been since the start of this year..

Can you believe it? Its June already. We're almost halfway through the year.

I started this year with a bang. Spending the New Year's Eve of course with my loving family. It was awesome since we get to spend it again with my Dad. And of course, January 1 isn't January 1 if we don't celebrate YAC anniversary. :)

January 2, is probably one of the scariest yet exciting change that I was more than willing to take as an adult,. January 2 is my first ever day at work. And then everything followed. 

A lot of things happened already. Met new friends, most of them of course is because of work. Most of them are about my age which I think made my weekdays less boring than others. Parang college lang. Except that the stress level is up a notch and everyday, I have to talk to myself on how to handle it. 

I have managed to really really control myself on spending my money since i started working. Practicing the skill of being independent though not fully, because I still live with my parents.. 

And that too, will change really soon. I've decided to live on my own by next month. Not only because I want to be able to do things on my own, but I have accepted the fact that living in Cavite is nowhere near comfortable anymore.. Work is too far and I have to endure long and tiring hours of travel everyday.. dagdag stress.

Also, this year, I made the biggest decision of my life.. changing my religion. Why? A lot of people will not understand. Many thought it was just because I fell in love. I cannot blame them. But now that I've come this far, I am more than proud to say that, that too my friends has been answered. I know this is where God wanted me to be. And I couldn't be more happier that my questions are answered. I know deep down in my heart, that without the first thing that dragged me into this, I will stay because God called me here. :)

Growing old is natural, growing up is a choice. Day by day, I have to remind myself that I need to do something, and think about something or at least read about something to improve my life. 

In conclusion, we do not live with life itself, we live by the choices we made, the chances we take and the inevitable changes that comes our way. :)

Yun lang. :)